I was being trained as a peer mediator the day that changed a town called Littleton and a school which has tragically taken on a tragic persona, a school that has become a noun, a verb, an adjective all at the same time. Columbine. In retrospect, being trained to mediate disputes between students on the day that defined school violence seems like a feeble attempt to fight an unknown, undefined enemy. We were way out of our league. High school dynamics had degenerated far beyond the power of speech, the power of words. We were grossly ill equipped to deal with this. The day after, my sister and I began discussing quick exits out of our high school, if it ever became necessary. We spoke of places we would hide if we couldn't get out. How we would find each other---this was before text messaging and cell phones became common place gear for high school. It is morbid to think that we were discussing how to escape the possibility of being mowed down by a potential classmate. I will always remember the brother of one of the Columbine students who were killed, I think her name was Rachel, and his TV interviews about his experience afterward. It became my greatest fear and I promised myself that neither me or my sister would have to reprise his role.
The following year, I was in a senior writing workshop where my English teacher began to create excuses for the two individuals (addressing them by name will only give them notoriety that they do not deserve) who spewed so much evil and hate that day in 1999. He began to lament about the horrors of being bullied. Anger mixed with disbelief bubbled up inside of me and I began to argue with him. I told him what I thought was obvious to anyone. I had been bullied on a nearly constant basis through school, as were most of my fellow students, but I grew up well adjusted, mature and far from vengeful. Being bullied is never a reason to exact violence on the innocent and those around me.
I feel this needs repeating in light of Virginia Tech. Because it seems like no matter how unexplainable the violence, no matter how random, no matter how evil, the justifiers---those people who defend the actions of those soulless individuals, spring up immediately. It happened after 9/11---people sprang up saying that America was to blame for the bloodshed and that the victims, by simple being Americans, asked for it. The media is perpetually looking for the formulas for violence---in essence, they are looking for the formulas to evil. That there must be a scientific procession of events or variables that cause such an outcome as evil. They believe that by identifying such a formula, they can erase the possibility---like genetically engineering corn, and taking out the evil gene. Evil in the world will exist no matter what. Without rhyme or reason, evil will continue to outlive empires and administrations. People often ask why is there evil in the world when they should be asking why not. With all of the criminal actions in the world, the violent behaviors and beliefs, with all of the anger and disillusionment, why shouldn't there be evil in the world?
Especially on college campuses, which foster and praise violent means to an end. The moody, melancholy, anti social, violent behaviors of the VT gunman are the same anti establishment, fight the machine attitudes and characteristics that professors nurture in students. Against the grain rage is encouraged on college campuses. Violent protests, rallies and picketing are the very tools they employ. Rage at a democratic, capitalistic society is what professors see as independent thinking. Subscribing to any kind of belief system that clearly defines morality and evil is viewed as ignorant, archaic and based in folklore and superstition. The Abercrombie & Fitch frat guy or sorority girl with their devotion to consumerism and shallow politics may be a university's most non violent students.
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