Last week I was having breakfast with a relative at Panera so we could catch up. Like any work day morning, this breakfast depot was in a state of controlled chaos. Anything that involves lining up to obtain food and drink seems to throw people in a kind of frenzy. As if they were Frenchmen and Marie Antoinette had just shouted 'Let them eat cake!' Michigan is an overweight state, obesity reigns supreme here so no one is going to starve to death because Panera ran out of Apple Crunch muffins. But the reaction from people is as if the cashier just ordered them to hand over their children. Horrified and desperate.
Anyhow this particular Panera had a strange blend of patrons. The one closer to where I live is mainly young professionals in the morning getting their breakfasts to go and moms in the afternoon lunching with friends. This Panera had a lot of senior citizens on their laptops, taking advantage of Panera's free WiFi (which I have used in the past and is super handy). It's kind of bemusing to watch older people surf the Internet. It really takes me back to 1995 when the World Wide Web concept was first floated to us at my junior high school. And back then YouTube was still light years away!
Despite the influx of senior citizens mainlining technology, the dining area was loud and noisy and the tables are close together so our conversation became a mix of shouts and mutters depending on the topic of discussion and current decibel level in the room. The both of us were sitting at a tiny cafe table and I was breaking apart my muffin (no plastic cutlery to be found on the premises--so much for etiquette) and drinking my hot chocolate when what appeared to be a two person camera crew lumbered past our table. I say camera crew because they had so many bags with them that it would be safe to conclude that they were about to break out a video camera with scores of extension cords and other paraphernalia and start broadcasting. Alas, no Hollywood break for me, it was not a camera crew. A man and woman in their 50s were shoving two cafe tables together and setting up their laptops. Coffees in hand, they began unpacking their bags but I had already turned back to my conversation about layoffs at my current employer. The conversation continued on for another couple minutes when I looked down and was shocked to see the man trying to crawl under our table to plug his adapter plug into the electrical socket located on the wall just to the left of our table. In the process he had knocked over my purse, the contents starting to tumble out. And like Frick and Frack, the woman was not far behind the man armed with her own adapter plug. I didn't know what to do first---scoop up the contents of purse and make sure I hadn't been pick pocketed by the worst cat burglar in history or ask him if my shoes were interfering. Neither the man nor the woman ever uttered a word to us, a quick excuse me or even tossed us a sheepish apology. That's spoiled Baby Boomers for ya. I love my dearly departed grandparents to the moon and back but I have a lot of bones to pick with their generation in regards to their past parenting techniques. But I digress.
Because this two person A-Team decided to upend my nice breakfast with a member of my family, I had no choice but to twist around in my seat to give them my patented Evil Eye. That's when I saw it. It was like Office Max threw up in the corner. They had all kinds of crap unpacked and spread out everywhere, even on the floor. Again these were two tiny cafe tables shoved together, not a booth. It was evident that they were setting up shop, basing their home office here for an indeterminate amount of time, coming to you live from Panera Bread!!
Two things. Three things actually: 1. If you're going to take up real estate at a free WiFi eatery for an indeterminate amount of time, buy a freaking meal. Coffee buys you a half hour tops. Quit being a cheapskate. It's rude to other customers and the establishment. 2. If you have to inconvenience another patron because you're being a socket hog or you arrived during their peak hours, the utmost politeness is required. If I want to use my laptop at a WiFi establishment, I either find a table with an adjacent socket or I consider myself SOL and stay as long as my battery holds out. And 3. be realistic. I have known individuals in the past (and perhaps presently) that set up a WiFi command post at Panera or Starbucks for four or five hours. That's ridiculous. I know the economy sucks and that the recession and layoffs are pinching everyone and free WiFi is a gift from the gods but the proprietors (even if it's a corporation) don't owe it to you. Make a list of things you need to get accomplished and stick to it. Be efficient. If you need four or five hours truly, you need to get acquainted with your local library. They encourage creepers. Which is what you look like after four or five hours.
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